I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My cat gives me a boner
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
