My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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