Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
