I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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