You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
