sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
