yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
