He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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