I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
