Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
