We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize