You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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