dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
