I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
