I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize