I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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