We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
