i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
