You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
