dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
