I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
