sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry about my life...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize