How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
