Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
