would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
