i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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