when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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