I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
