I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
