Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
