i permit you to call me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
