i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
