You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
