omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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