we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
