I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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