I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
