She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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