and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
