I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
