My cat gives me a boner
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
