It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
