I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
