R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
