Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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