I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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