I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
