IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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