my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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