Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
