I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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