Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
