apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
