singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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