yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
