I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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