I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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