Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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