Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
