she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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