Pappa wants mamma naked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Houston, we have a squirter
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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