we have officially lost it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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