What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
foreskin is a definite game changer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
