Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize