I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
