if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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