porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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