After last night, I could never be a politician.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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