Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
