she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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