She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize